


One life between us

by Monna99



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 04:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15502263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monna99/pseuds/Monna99
Summary: Sometimes the words are left unsaid.





	One life between us

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another story -- cleaned up -- that I originally posted on Livejournal. I changed the name this time around, I like this one better.

Hakkai glanced up and smiled as he saw the redhead approaching, long, jean-encased legs eating up the distance. Warm air ruffled his hair gently in the cooling evening as he waited, groceries in hand. Night was falling quickly, casting long shadows on the abandoned street. He was glad Gojyo had decided to call it an early night so they could walk home together. Generally, the man stayed at the Lucky Sevens bar, not stumbling back to the little house they shared until the early morning hours, just as the sun was making its appearance. Hakkai didn’t worry, of course. Gojyo could handle himself, but he tended to neglect his victuals and Hakkai always found himself cooking more rice even when he knew Gojyo would not be returning for dinner.

“Hey,” the redhead greeted, reaching into his jacket and pulling out a cigarette. “You done?” he asked, nodding toward the bags Hakkai held.

“Oh yes,” he answered, smiling into crimson eyes. It made Gojyo twitch and look away, patting himself down for his lighter to cover up the flush invading his cheeks. 

“And are you done?” He asked, motioning toward the bar.

“Yeah.”

“Shall we go home then?”

“Listen, Hakkai-”

“Come, Gojyo, help me with the bags.”

The redhead stared into his eyes for too long, gaze somber and very unlike his usual smirking self. Hakkai pushed the bags into his arms, wanting to break the moment because Gojyo should never look like Hakkai was hurting him. 

He turned away, not wanting the redhead to see his pained wince. He’d had a headache all day and it was only getting worse. He pushed it away, slightly discomfited by its intensity, and tried concentrating on what Gojyo was saying.

“You know, you can make me dinner some other time. Maybe we could do something different today.”

Hakkai paused at that. “Like what?” he asked curiously. The only different thing they ever did was go into town to eat or ask Sanzo and Goku to join them. Maybe Gojyo wanted company?

“We could talk,” the redhead offered.

Hakkai nearly laughed out loud until he realized the redhead was serious. “Talk?” he repeated faintly, incredulous.

“Well – yeah,” Gojyo muttered defensively. He sighed after a moment, rubbing at the back of his neck. “It’s just – we talk, but we never say anything, ya know?”

The headache was getting worse. Hakkai smiled at the man in front of him, but the image was wavering behind tearing eyes. It felt like his brain was getting rent and he pinched the bridge of his nose hard to no avail. 

“Gojyo, could we perhaps discuss this later? I’m afraid my head is-”

“No.”

“I beg your pardon?” Hakkai released his nose, bewildered, as the redhead gripped his own head, hair falling forward so that Hakkai couldn’t see his expression.

Was Gojyo also suffering from a headache? It could, perhaps, be some sort of attack. He looked around, unable to sense anything, startling when Gojyo reached out to grip his arm tightly.

There were lights dancing behind his eyes now and the pain was nearly beyond bearing. There was an intolerable pressure, his head too hot and too heavy. He looked down and sucked in a sharp breath in shock at his torn and bloodied clothes. _Blood?_ He couldn’t quite make sense of what he was seeing, despite the fact that it wasn’t an unfamiliar sight. He’d had plenty of blood on him before -- enough to know when it wasn’t wholly his. 

“Hakkai,” Gojyo said clearly, sadly, and Hakkai was frozen because Gojyo was never this solemn. “We never said anything. I’m sorry I never said anything.”

And the healer wanted to slap Gojyo because he had no right to say something now, not when--

He gripped his head tighter, trying to hold onto that voice, not wanting to lose sight of the other man. It was already too late, though. It was too obvious suddenly, would have been even without the flashes of truth intruding on the moment. Sanzo was leaning over him, hands flying frantically, furiously. 

“Hakkai,” Gojyo pleaded, but the healer turned away. 

He wasn’t going to listen. He had no way of knowing if those words held truth or if they were only fabrications of his pathetic yearnings. They never had said anything.

Green eyes opened and Hakkai was unsurprised by the rain drenching him, by the tattered clothing, the blood, by Sanzo not five feet away, equally tattered and bloody, breath hiccupping, holding an insensible Goku. Of course. Now he remembered. He’d mistakenly gotten caught up in a mix of memory and fantasy. 

Hakkai leaned back against the crumbled column at his back and reached for Gojyo’s cigarettes. Slowly, he lit one with his uninjured hand and brought the cylinder to his lips. He inhaled deeply, smoke invading his lungs until he was coughing violently a moment later, red staining the filter where his lips had touched. It seemed everything he touched came to its end bathed in blood. He opened his mouth, letting the rain beat against his tongue and tossed the smoke aside carelessly. Again, he was too late. Gojyo had always been strong, but Hakkai’s curse proved stronger. He should have learned with Kanan. He’d allowed the others to convince him it wasn’t his fault, that he deserved a second chance.

Sanzo was staring at him warily and Hakkai nearly laughed. No, now less than ever was there a reason to be wary of him. His end should have come that night he’d murdered all those youkai, so really he’d only been on borrowed time. He grinned and the blond pulled Goku closer to his body, doing what he could to shield the Seiten Taisei. It was unnecessary. This wasn’t Goku’s fault. It was Hakkai’s and his alone for being unable to stop him. For being too late to protect the man who had mistakenly saved his life. Doubtless, Sanzo was wondering why he hadn’t already turned into a snarling, flesh-hungry demon. He was somewhat perplexed on that score himself, but grateful nonetheless. He had no desire to hurt Sanzo or Goku.

The monk was out of bullets and bleeding rather liberally from that knock to the head he’d taken, the scroll lying in shreds around him. The Seiten Taisei was unconscious. They would be helpless. Hakkai frowned, thinking that he really should heal that head wound. 

He didn’t move. Sanzo would probably react badly if he got close. He was taking this harder than Hakkai was – a faint trembling had beset his limbs and the blond looked shell-shocked, dumbstruck. Gojyo would be laughing his ass off at that expression. Except Gojyo couldn’t laugh anymore, what with his intestines hanging out the way they were. Very sharp claws that little monkey had on him. Hakkai glanced at the body at his side and wondered if that’s how he’d looked when Gojyo had found him that first time. Except, of course, he’d been breathing. 

His head was starting to hurt again. He closed his eyes, sighing out, not feeling anything except the residual warmth of spilled blood. Gojyo hadn’t been dead very long.  


The vines would be enough. They could do it. It was a matter of poetic justice in a way that it would be demon blood in the end which should do it. Hakkai nodded. It was appropriate. 

He smiled.

What had Gojyo told him once? 

‘I won't leave you. I’ve come this far with you.’ 

Something like that. Well, it was Hakkai’s turn to go the rest of the way with him.


End file.
